Deja Vu

I'm in this very familiar situation wherein I'm standing in the crossroads again. A little trip down memory lane: after I passed the PT boards way back 2001, I was a bum for 4 months because I was confused whether to apply for licensure in the US or stay here. I decided to stay & I became a PT volunteer for 5 months in 1 of my previous rotations during internship, then I went into medical school. Fast-forward to 2007 after I passed the medical boards, I was again confused & undecided whether to take local residency or USMLE. My mom insisted that I take residency locally. Ok fine! It wasn't easy as it seemed. Turned out that the first specialty training I applied for is not for me. After just 1 day of pre-residency, I decided to quit. Sadly, my parents hit the roof when I told them the bad news. I told them I wanted to go into Family Medicine and they were not initially happy with it (but eventually they had no choice but to accept it).     

And then now.. I've successfully finished my residency training. Finally, I'm out of the hospital, no more duties. I was so excited, psyched to get out again, be on my own, set my "own" rules. I've pondered on implementing what I've wanted to do before - take examinations for other countries (i.e. Australia, USA) to "seek for greener pasteurs". However the thought of asking my parents for financial support for these exams was very embarrassing for me. For the past 3 years, I seldom ask money from them; every penny I spent came from my meager salary as a resident. Instead, I wanted to have a job - as a physician, of course. Not just to earn but to use what I've learned & gained. The examinations have to be "deferred", again.

I've tried to search for jobs over the internet, asked around from colleagues for possible connections. Some have called me back for interview but no reply from them afterwards, but most did not respond. I have also taken into consideration what colleagues say as the "hospitals/institutions to avoid" before applying, because of many reasons (i.e. majority said because of low pay, unfriendly staff, etc.) In the back of my mind, I know I may not have some of their requirements at this time, like if I have attended any module in Occupational Health and/or Occupational Medicine, but I'll get into it. I am being called/informed every once in a while to hold clinic somewhere as a reliever but it's not permanent and not regular. There were mornings I asked myself "What am I going to do today?" 

My current work doesn't make me happy, fulfilled. I just think of it as something that keeps me pre-occupied in the meantime while waiting and looking for a better opportunity, and hoping to land one. I've thought of applying for jobs that a moonlighter does, but it's my pride (as a junior consultant but short of a diplomate status) that's stopping me from doing that. We never know. I maybe wrong since I haven't tried that actually.

I am not alone, I know. It's really difficult to start his/her own practice, let alone have a private clinic. But somewhere, I have to start and from there let's see what happens. If ever I land a job, I hope that it will be for the long run.